I just don’t know what to think.  Am I making up a problem where there isn’t one?

My sister has always claimed that my father molested her.  I’ve never believed her.  Since my daughters hysterical reaction to getting a pelvic exam and the dr asking me if she had been molested before, I’ve always had suspicions that something happened to her, though.  The weird thing that happened after I told my mom about the incident, my dad immediately called me and told me she acted that way because he took her once to get a pelvic exam and she was embarrassed by it.  I know for a fact he never took her to the doctor.  Why did he call me so quick after he heard about her reaction?  I mean it was immediately.  Was he trying to cover something up?    

Her first psych eval said she was acting like a child who was recovering from a traumatic experience.  A few years ago, she had another eval and she was given a diagnosis of major depressive disorder.  

And then there’s all her BDSM pics of her and her boyfriend on her computer, the stories she wrote about being raped, the posts about suicidal ideation and wanting to kill herself after she finishes her bucket list….the books she checked out at the library about suicide pacts and self harm.  Obviously she was dealing with something….I asked her if her step father ever hurt her sexually and she answered, “I don’t remember.”

She’s incredibly close to my dad and he does everything for her.  Everything….if she wants something new, he gets it for her.  Is her trying to make up for hurting her?

My oldest daughter once spent the night at my parents house when she was 2.  Since the day she came home and for about 2 years later, she screamed every night when I put her to bed.  Did something happen to her?  She now has an anxiety disorder and BPD.

I know I have some issues.  I have anxiety and depressive disorders and there have been times in the past when having sex with my husband, it would feel like my father was touching me and I literally had to push my husband off of me and cover up, almost hide.  I felt violated.  Even just sitting on my bed in my underwear, I sometimes feel like I have to cover up and hide.  What the hell is that about?  

My father and his twin sister were four when their mother sent them to live in an orphanage in Chicago.  She wouldn’t let them be adopted so she could visit them. They lived there until they were 16. I know from what my mom had told me that he and his sister were sexually abused while in the orphanage.  Is he continuing the cycle?  

I wonder if I can trust my feelings and thoughts.  Am I making things up?  Am I making up a problem where there isn’t one? Should I just let it go?  I’ll probably never know the truth.