A new book by Murray Straus, founder and co-director of the Family Research Lab and professor emeritus of sociology at the University of New Hampshire, brings together more than four decades of research that makes the definitive case against spanking, including how it slows cognitive development and increases antisocial and criminal behavior.
“The Primordial Violence” (Routledge, 2013) shows that the reasons parents hit those they love includes a lot more than just correcting misbehavior. It provides evidence on the effect spanking has on children, and what can be done to end it. The book features longitudinal data from more than 7,000 U.S. families as well as results from a 32-nation study and presents the latest research on the extent to which spanking is used in different cultures and the subsequent effects of its use on children and on society.
“Research shows that spanking corrects misbehavior. But it also shows that spanking does not work better than other modes of correction, such as time out, explaining, and depriving a child of privileges. Moreover, the research clearly shows that the gains from spanking come at a big cost. These include weakening the tie between children and parents and increasing the probability that the child will hit other children and their parents, and as adults, hit a dating or marital partner. Spanking also slows down mental development and lowers the probability of a child doing well in school,” Straus says.
“More than 100 studies have detailed these side effects of spanking, with more than 90 percent agreement among them. There is probably no other aspect of parenting and child behavior where the results are so consistent,” he says.
The authors, who include Emily Douglas, associate professor of social work at Bridgewater State University, and Rose Anne Medeiros, a quantitative methodologist at Rice University, argue for policy changes that can bring about a total end to spanking, including “never spank” public service announcements, a health warning to go along with birth certificates, and help for parents having problems with their child. Policy and practical implications are explored in most chapters. “The Primordial Violence” highlights include:
• The benefits of avoiding spanking, such as the development of better interpersonal skills and higher academic achievement.
• The link between spanking and behavioral problems and crime.
• The extent to which spanking is declining and why most parents continue to spank, despite the unusually high level of agreement between numerous studies that found harmful effects from spanking.
Straus has a suggestion for the holidays. “If you are looking for gift that will increase your child’s chances for a happy and healthful life, including a good job and a violence-free marriage, the evidence in this book suggests it would be promising yourself to never spank. Better yet, tell your kids about that promise. It is likely to increase their respect and love for you, and they will also help you stick to it.”
“More than 20 nations now prohibit spanking by parents. There is an emerging consensus that this is a fundamental human right for children. The United Nations is asking all nations to prohibit spanking. Never spanking will not only reduce the risk of delinquency and mental health problems, it also will bring to children the right to be free of physical attacks in the name of discipline, just as wives gained that human right a century and a quarter ago,” Straus says.
Widely considered the foremost researcher in his field, Straus has studied spanking by large and representative samples of American parents since 1969. He has received numerous honors and awards for his research, including Life Fellow of the International Society for Research in Aggression, and fellow of the American Association for the Advancement of Science.
Straus has been president of three scientific societies, including the National Council on Family Relations, and he has been an advisor to the National Institutes of Health and the National Science Foundation. He is the author or co-author of more than 200 research articles and 15 books, including “Beating the Devil Out of Them: Corporal Punishment In American Families and Its Effects On Children” (2nd edition, Transaction, 2001). Much of his research on spanking can be downloaded from http://pubpages.unh.edu/~mas2.
Story Source:
The above story is based on materials provided by University of New Hampshire. Note: Materials may be edited for content and length.

I was going to write about spanking, but I feel like I would stumble over my words and end up sounding ridiculous. However, I am entirely against behavior towards children that hurts, physically and mentally. There is NEVER a right way to spank a child.

So, instead of writing, I am going to share some of my favorite quotes, video’s and books about Peaceful Parenting.

“There is no single effort more radical in its potential for saving the world than a transformation of the way we raise our children.”
~ Marianne Williamson

“I really think it’s crazy that we hit our kids. It really is.
Here’s the crazy part about it. Kids are the only people in the world you are allowed to hit. Do you realize that?
They’re the most vulnerable and they’re the most destroyed by being hit, but it’s totally ok to hit them.
And they’re the only ones. If you hit a dog, they will put you in jail for that!”
~ Louis C K

“Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make children do better, first we have to make them feel worse? Think of the last time you felt humiliated or treated unfairly. Did you feel like cooperating of doing better?”
~ Jane Nelson

“Want to stop the bullying epidemic? Don’t act like a bully. Don’t hit, threaten, ignore, isolate, or manipulate your child. Children learn what they live.”
~ L.R. Knost

“Physical punishment is considered too severe for felons, murderers, criminals of all kinds and ages, including juvenile delinquents, too demeaning for soldiers, sailors, servants, and spouses. But it remains legal and acceptable for children who are innocent of any crime.”
~ The Influence of Corporal Punishment on Crime by Adah Maurer, Ph.D. and James Wallerstein (1987)

“Care what your children think of you more than what strangers think of you.”
~ Dayna Martin

‘Time-outs’ are hurting children.
In a brain scan, relational pain-that caused by isolation during punishment-can look the same as physical abuse. Is alone in the corner really the best place for your child?
No Drama Discipline: The Whole-Brain way to Calm the Chaos and Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind

“What bothers me so much about punishing children is that it is a conscious effort to hurt them..The question that must be asked is why we are, and have been, so willing to hurt our children in order to get them to behave-to treat them as criminals, slaves, and animals.”
~ James Kimmell

What can spanking teach your child? To submit to the threat of violence.

“One generation full of deeply loving parents would change the brain of the next generation and with that, the world,”
~ Dr Charles Raison

“When you consider the torments suffered by children throughout history, you will understand the violence and inequality besetting our world…PARENTING EVOLUTION DRIVES SOCIAL EVOLUTION, and appreciating this shows us the steps needed to make this world a better place.”
~ Robin Grille, Parenting for a Peaceful World

Amazing video by Stefan Molyneux about the effects of spanking on children

Too many demons rearing their ugly heads….

Does Stefan Molynuex wish all his followers happy birthday, or did he just randomly message me? I opened up my Skype and here was a message from Stef….quite odd being that I haven’t been very nice to him lately. Last year I didn’t get a happy birthday!

Fall asleep on white sheets, wake up on the Japanese flag. UGH!

Yesterday, I turned 41…

I look back on my life and see the wasted opportunities. My life has been a series of failed attempts at escaping the horrors of my past. My fear of the end has prevented me from making plans for the future or even seeing myself living that long…

I remember it as if it were yesterday. I was in the kitchen with my parents listening to my father give one of his long winded lectures. They never ended and always included phrases like, “righteous indignation”, “the bible says to inculcate”, and “prove all things, hold fast unto that which is righteous”. They bored the hell out of me but since I was a people pleaser and desperately wanted my father’s approval, I listened intently. He was talking about one of his favorite subjects, the end times. He would always tell us how the end was near and we weren’t likely to make it through alive. This particular time, his story left a lasting impression on me. He told my sister and I that before we know it, the wolves are going to descend from the mountains and devour us alive. I was terrified, but I felt special because, at the young age of 10, I knew something that no one else did.

From that point on, every few months to a year my dad told us about some new doomsday scenario he had heard about, population control, food control, soil depletion, marshal law, and once the internet was made available their frequency increased ten fold. Even though there were times I was paralyzed by fear, I soaked up every word. There’s no way my dad could be wrong.

As I matured, I started forming my own opinions on the whole end times scenario. AIDS wasn’t created to kill off 1/3 of the earth’s population, there aren’t poisons added to the water and food supply to make people sick and easier to control, and wolves are definitely not coming down from the mountains to devour me alive. And even though I know those things aren’t true, I still can’t help but feel like there’s no use to make future plans. I want to travel to Europe to see the antiquities of Rome, paintings in the Louvre, and the countrysides of France and England, but when I think about going I always have in the back of my mind that the world won’t be around or there will be some sort of oppressive govt in control that will keep me from doing the things I want.

I can’t help to wonder about the things I could have accomplished if my entire future wasn’t taken away by my fear of the end….

And probably only birthday card! I can’t believe you even remembered.

Time passes in moments … moments which, rushing past define the path of a life just as surely as they lead towards its end. How rarely do we stop to examine that path, to see the reasons why all things happen, to consider whether the path we take in life is our own making or simply one into which we drift with eyes closed?

But what if we could stop, pause to take stock of each precious moment before it passes? Might we then see the endless forks in the road that have shaped a life? And, seeing those choices, choose another path?

I don’t think I ever thanked you properly, but thank you for spending so much of your time drawing this for me!