Why did you tell me I was going to kill all my kids if I started taking anti depressants?

Ok, I know why, you thought any psychotropic medication is bad, but to tell an already upset person they’re going to kill their kids is not an appropriate way to voice your concerns. Did you have that little faith in me? Well, guess what? I was on it for 17 years and not once did I even raise a hand to any of my 8 children.

Furthermore, why didn’t you ever listen to me when i tried to tell you what the foster brothers were doing to us? Why did you just ignore me? You were supposed to protect me. I can’t even say any of it out loud, and it’s always there…hiding, waiting for the exact right moment to surface.

I know I shouldn’t speak ill of the dead, and I do miss you, but sometimes you just sucked as a parent. You’re ignore it and it’ll go away approach to things really caused a lot of problems.

Actually trust him…maybe.

These titties cute until I take this bra off and these mf’s drop like an album

I’m much too amused by it.

What do I need to do?

Save money

Once I have a location, find a place to live

Downsize EVERYTHING

Make sure Dawson is set up if he’s not coming with me

I want to be outta here by the end of next summer…2020 is my year.

I’ve talked to my kids and their dad.

As soon as I’m finished with my IPLD program, I’m going to start applying for ASM positions in Oregon and Washington.

Why aren’t they good enough the way they are??? And they never seem to have a problem finding a guy.

More to come

I’m starting EMDR with my counselor. It’s suppose to help with dealing with traumatic events without having to relive them by talking about them. I can’t even say them out loud. I just want to get rid of these pesky negative thoughts.

Most relevant song lyric relating to my life right now: my problem is you make me melt and I don’t want to be frozen anymore.

oh and I got fitted for a bra today. I used to wear a 48DDD, now I wear a 34DDD wtf? I NEVER thought I’d wear a 34!

It helps with my anxiety and keeping weight off. I’m just wondering if it’s me running away from dealing with something, or if I’m just over thinking everything like usual.