I found this pic the other day…it brought me to tears.

This is her, off in the distance, out of focus. This is exactly how I feel about her and her memory. She’s far away, barely there…far off in the distance. I miss her so much, but as the days go on and life happens, memories fade.

When I saw the pic, I broke down in tears. This pic so powerful to me….if I could do anything to bring her back, I would.

I still have times where I think to myself, “oh I need to tell my mom about this”. But then I realize, oh wait I can’t. She was so strong and determined, I only wish I could be half as much of a women she was.

Easter Sunday we found my sister passed away in her bed. We had no idea what happened.

She was only 53 years old. I’m devastated.

Well, the medical examiner just called. He told me that Elena likely died from metastatic breast cancer. He found a large mass in her breast that traveled to her brain, liver, bone, and lymph nodes. Because of her distrust of people stemming from her paranoid schizophrenia she never sought treatment.

In sept she broke her ankle and they did surgery to repair it. She never returned for any follow ups or to have the staples removed.

I’m so upset! I worry that she was in pain her final days.

A year ago today, my beautiful Starbucks cafe was closed to seating. It was at this moment, I knew my days with the company were numbered. They took away what made Starbucks what it was, a place for people to gather and enjoy each other’s company. They took away what I loved about my job, watching and being a part of moments that make us human. I saw love blossom, friends reconnect, business deals get worked out, and people grieve. I loved getting to know my customers and their stories. After this, it was all transactional. And soon after, I became a bouncer standing outside the door only letting one person at a time in the store…it saddens me to have lost that connection to people. It saddens me that Starbucks has abandoned the philosophy they peddled for years, that I believed in because I saw the difference I could make in people’s lives by just caring and getting to know my customers. They abandoned it over fear and virtue signaling.

I want to tell you that you might be able to fool your friends with your innocent act, but I know the truth. After I poured my heart out on my blog on how hurt And used I felt, your call after you read it wasn’t about checking on my feelings. Your call was all about you and how that blog made you feel and how you think I trashed you online.

That’s not how someone who cares about you acts.

You don’t talk to someone on video chat for 3 hours a day for months on end and not have an inkling of how you feel.

You knew exactly what you were doing.

You used me and it was obvious in the way you ended it.

I hope someone warns her about you. I hope you treat her better than you treated me.

You might be able to fool Dan and Jaime, but ultimately you have to live with yourself. I hope one day you feel bad for the pain your self serving bullshit had caused others, but judging by what I know of you, you’ll just play the victim and pretend like you’re perfect.

How narcissistic of you to share that with me. Is she still drunk?

I’m so excited!!

I should just take an iron supplement everyday. I just forget…but then it gets out of control and I end up feeling like shit. Ugh.

I’m devastated