I really can’t complain about anything pertaining to my surgery.  I recovered quick with minimal pain and discomfort. It’s hard getting used to the new way of eating, but that will take time.  Now that I’ve added more solid food to my diet, I can only eat one or two bites and then I’m full.  Now I say I can’t complain, but I’m going to…

My taste buds changed and I can’t drink my delicious coffee.  😢😢😢😢😢 2 sips and it tastes wretched.  This is the third time I’ve tried to drink it.  Still no good.  Boohoo!!!

I absolutely love her.  We get along so well.  We talked about a relationship I had.  It was so nice to get things off my chest, to really express all my feelings instead of cutting to get them out.  She said he probably stays friends with me because he gets something from me that he doesn’t get at home.  But it sucks for me because he goes home to his family and lives his life while I wait for any scrap of attention he throws my way.  The pull me in then let me go gets frustrating and whenever I talk to him about this shit, he gets really defensive.  It’s just not worth it.  

  
Eggs went down like a lead brick.  I was full after 3 bites.  

Tuna wasn’t much better.  I had maybe 3-4 bites and was completely full.  

I know this is what I wanted to happen, to eat less.  But I didn’t realize how little.  I guess that’s why I have to take so many vitamins.  I think I had maybe 500 calories today.  I’m getting hardly any nutrients from food.  

I’m so damn sick of broth. I know I should stop being a fucking baby, man up, and eat it. Omg!  It’s so gross, though.  Tuesday I get to add a few more foods and it can’t come soon enough! 

  
I’m assuming that the fact that it makes my tummy rumble means it’s not agreeing with me.  I guess I can’t eat it! Oh well!   LOL 

During my liquid only phase, these, along with Wyler’s sugar free lemonade, were my absolute favorite drink mix.  They taste exactly like grape pop, which just happened to be my favorite drink as a child.  Anytime we were allowed to have pop, that is what i chose.  I was so excited when I found these.   
Now, however, I can’t stomach either of those.  Ugh!  They taste wretched and so does coffee.  If I can’t drink coffee, why is my life worth living?  

Another change I’ve noticed, is my lack of hunger.  I never feel hungry and when I smell something delicious, the smell is divine but it doesn’t make me hungry.  I have absolute no desire to eat it.  The best part is though, is my lack of sugar cravings.  That is one change I’m most excited about. 😁😁😁 

I know, I know, everyone says how the hell could you not know.  Sure, before you start the 6 month pre op process, you’re told all the  physical and psychological repercussions.  You heard them and think oh yeah, I can do it.  All you can really focus on, though, is getting through the grueling process of proving to your insurance company that you’re fat enough and dedicated enough to handle such a life changing surgery.

Once you finally get approved and make it through the surgery, the changes really become evident.  You practiced them before the surgery, chewing everything to the consistency of toothpaste, not drinking 30 minutes before or after a meal, eating protein first, and constantly drinking so you don’t get dehydrated, but if you don’t succeed its no big deal.  Once the surgery is finished, that’s it, there is no going back.  If you don’t do it, you know either with pain, vomiting, dehydration, or malnutrition.  You finally realize how fucking much your life changed.  

My aha moment was this afternoon at work.  I was struggling to eat a 5.3oz cup of Greek yogurt.  It was too much!  Then I realized that the last few days, I’ve only eaten between 500 – 700 calories a day.  That’s how much I would have consumed in one meal…how can this little bit sustain me for the rest of my life.  It’s scary.  When I got home from work, I looked at myself in the cars vanity mirror.  I was surprised.  I could actually see a difference and it was shocking at first.  I didn’t expect it at all.  I touched my chin and neck, I guess to make sure it’s real.  It’s just so different from what I’m used to seeing.  

I’ve finally come to terms with some things and I can honestly say that I am finally seeing things for what they really are and what he really is.  It feels great!!! 

Thanks, Vince!!!

I’ve already had 700 calories.  I can’t eat anymore.  If I do, I’ll gain all the weight back that I’ve lost!  

its not flirting if you tell me on several occasions that you love me.

It’s not flirting if we have phone sex and sext on an almost daily basis. 

It’s not flirting when you tell me that you want so much to be near me

It’s not flirting when you tell me you like to think about the “what ifs” And when I tell you the things I want in a man, promptly reply with how you are exactly like that.  

It’s not flirting when you tell me that you worry that the stuff I post on Tumblr isn’t about you anymore

It’s not flirting when you tell me how important I am to your well being

It’s not flirting when you get excited that a post I made about holding hands and listening to a song together was about you.

It’s not flirting when you tell me I make you a better person

It’s not flirting when we talk practically every day for almost 8 hours straight.  

Sorry!  But that’s more than flirting, and yeah we might not do most of that anymore, but don’t you dare fucking tell me that what we had in the beginning was just flirting.  It might make you feel better to call it that, but you and I both know it was more.