I’ve been avoiding dealing with the death of my family for so long. I honestly didn’t think I was running away from it, but now that I have extra time it’s all catching up to me.

In the morning I get up feeling anxious and sad. I go to the office, do my work which keeps me busy, but I dread going home because there’s nothing to distract me.

I’ve lost so much since my mom died in 2018. Not only was my mom gone, but my relationship with one of my sisters deteriorated dramatically. I lost my dad in 2020 and then 4 months later one of my sisters died. Six months later my uncle dies unexpectedly. We had to sell my parents house which was devastating emotionally. Now I’m starting a new career and with that all kinds of anxieties and insecurities are popping up…

I’m hoping I can work through this it’s been hard though. I’ve been sick and unable to eat and maintain working and entire day! By 2 or 3pm I’m wiped out. I used to work 4am to 10pm on my feet 5 days a week. I worry that I’m dying like everyone else in my family, sometimes I hope I am…I’m just so tired and sad.

Weight Loss

Weight loss is the most simple concept. Burn more calories than you consume. It’s really that simple. We make it hard by our choices, excuses, and lack of will power.

This is what I looked like from 2005 to 2015. During this time period, I would have told you that I really don’t eat that much, but I literally ate a pint of Ben and Jerry’s every night. I ate multiple times a day, huge meals, because I bought into the lie that your body needs fuel to keep your metabolism going. Plot twist, that’s a fucking lie. There were some times where I did lose significant weight by cutting out all carbs but at the time, I couldn’t maintain the lifestyle. I was in an abusive relationship, had 8 kids, and no will power. My point is, I was lying to myself. It’s obvious that I did eat a lot! You don’t get to be over 300 pounds by not eating.

This is me now. I lost over 150 pounds. My weight fluctuates between 158 to 180 and I’ve maintained this since 2015. Through the death of both my parents and my sister. I eat 1-2 times a day, no pop, no bread, no pasta, no rice, no candy….and my meals are small. Naturally when I’m at my higher weight its because I added some things I shouldn’t like candy or bread. But once I go back off it, My weight goes back down. But I have to remember that I am in control of my weight. My weight is a reflection of my ability to control myself and my habits. I just had to stop making excuses…I had to stop lying to myself.

There are days when the universe tells you you’ve made the right choices, and today is one of those days. I quit my job at Starbucks back in 2020 because of their departure from what made me love my job, making my Starbucks a “third place” for my customers, by adopting all this madness for an illness that has a 99.9% survival rate. Now they are taking away the bodily autonomy of their partners. Starbucks claims to be defenders of human rights, but this decision violates the rights of all of their partners. Shame on them.

I was a loyal customer for the last seven years who frequented Starbucks several times a day, I will no longer support them.

https://finance-yahoo-com.cdn.ampproject.org/c/s/finance.yahoo.com/amphtml/news/starbucks-u-workers-must-covid-160218619.html