Omg! I can’t even come up with the words to describe it. Lolololol

Won’t be dating him again. Joey says I need to get over N. I think that will come with time. I mean we’re still talking everyday. Probably crossing the line between friends and still dating.

Joey keeps telling me about his BDSM crap. I seriously could NEVER trust someone that much. I could never do that. I could never fully give myself like that to someone. Ugh! There was a point where I thought possibly I could trust R, but that turned out to be wrong. I mean, you don’t tell someone you still want to talk to them and then disappear. That’s fucked up and disingenuous. I could talk to him as friends, about politics, shit like that. I care about him as a person and don’t want anything bad to happen to him, but I would not trust him with anything personal. I told him too much already. Such a mistake. Never tell people personal shit. They just disappear.

I’m sure it won’t be long before N finds someone and is gone. I’m preparing myself for that, but i haven’t really told him anything. He knows nothing.

Shane has been messaging me quite a bit the last week or so. I had him blocked on a lot of crap, but unblocked him because I figured it was long enough. Apparently not. Vince would kill me if he knew we were talking. He literally was the hardest guy in my life to move on from. I mean, we had a 4 year relationship. But, I think things are different. He hasn’t told me how he’s the perfect guy for me. We’ve just been talking about Portland. We’ll see how things go. It’s nice though to not have the same feelings for him. It’s nice to just be able to walk away from the convo and not think about it.