I mean I guess I can still be his friend, but this is one hell of an unsatisfactory situation.

Today he was offering up suggestions for who I could cohost with…🤦‍♀️

Talked to a couple friends, made dinner, and now I’m cleaning my car out. Pretty productive evening.

I need to start making lists of shit that needs to get done before I move…that seems insurmountable.

Jason called me out of the blue again…I never thought of it this way, but when people just call you randomly, that means they were actually thinking of you and thought, hmmm I want to talk to them.

I always ask someone if it’s ok to call them. I don’t want to impose on their life.

I said the stupidest thing ever. 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ Mellony Joy, why don’t you think???

I only have one simple wish…

It really put me in a funk.

I just remember feeling nothing when I was 9. That was the first time I remember being depressed. When I was 9, I used to love looking at wedding dresses. But I knew something was wrong was because I could not tell what was pretty anymore. And I couldn’t tell my parents because they just told me what I thought was silly or stupid. Or that depression and sadness was just selfishness. Like the time I was crying when I got stung by a bee and was spanked multiple times. Apparently, it’s wrong to cry when you get hurt when you’re 4 yrs old.

Roberts voice is very cute. I’m listening to his podcast while I’m writing this.

Anyway…her suicidal ideation was something I remember doing when I was 8. I remember just thinking that no one would care if I died or walked into traffic and a bus hit me…

One memory that sticks out is when my foster brothers peed in a jar and dumped it on me. They did that all the time, all 13 of them.

Portland can not get here soon enough. This has been a roller coaster week at work and I am ready for another fucking vacation…

Didn’t answer…not sure how to handle this.

Everyone can fuck off

Omg! It started out good. I had a great connect with my manager. She told me I’m the only shift she has that had mastered running an effective shift and that I’m totally ready to move to ASM.

But then…omg, she rode my ass so hard today pointing out EVERYTHING that wasn’t going right and that I was missing. I completely understand why she’s doing it, but I made me feel so overwhelmed and insecure. I just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry for about 10 minutes.

It’s all good though…I got this yo!

He messaged me out of the blue: “Robert had better pull his head out of his ass. Just saying. 😎🙌🏻”

And then he said that if he were Robert, he would have snatched me up all ready.

So, this kinda puts a kink in my podcast plans. Do I keep trying to get him to be my cohost?