It really put me in a funk.

I just remember feeling nothing when I was 9. That was the first time I remember being depressed. When I was 9, I used to love looking at wedding dresses. But I knew something was wrong was because I could not tell what was pretty anymore. And I couldn’t tell my parents because they just told me what I thought was silly or stupid. Or that depression and sadness was just selfishness. Like the time I was crying when I got stung by a bee and was spanked multiple times. Apparently, it’s wrong to cry when you get hurt when you’re 4 yrs old.

Roberts voice is very cute. I’m listening to his podcast while I’m writing this.

Anyway…her suicidal ideation was something I remember doing when I was 8. I remember just thinking that no one would care if I died or walked into traffic and a bus hit me…

One memory that sticks out is when my foster brothers peed in a jar and dumped it on me. They did that all the time, all 13 of them.