I really thought I was over all of his shenanigans, but recounting just a minor amount of info about past events have stirred up some emotions and feelings that I’m not quite prepared to deal with.  

He was always manipulative, shit he manipulated me into marrying him.  So, I guess his sexual manipulation shouldn’t be a huge shocker.  It was coercion, but was it abuse?  Someone even once used the “R” word, but I allowed it.  How could it be that when I allowed it to happen?  

Because of him, my second husband, and a few before and after I’ve decided that I just pick the absolute worst men and I should stay for away from the opposite sex.  I doubt I can ever trust my choice in men.  

I’ve lost almost 100 pounds.  Men message me all the time on Facebook, Tinder, and OKCupid.  I’ve even had complete strangers send me gifts through Facebook, but I’m not interested in them in the slightest…

It’s always the one you can’t have that captures your heart and holds it hostage.