I know, I know, everyone says how the hell could you not know.  Sure, before you start the 6 month pre op process, you’re told all the  physical and psychological repercussions.  You heard them and think oh yeah, I can do it.  All you can really focus on, though, is getting through the grueling process of proving to your insurance company that you’re fat enough and dedicated enough to handle such a life changing surgery.

Once you finally get approved and make it through the surgery, the changes really become evident.  You practiced them before the surgery, chewing everything to the consistency of toothpaste, not drinking 30 minutes before or after a meal, eating protein first, and constantly drinking so you don’t get dehydrated, but if you don’t succeed its no big deal.  Once the surgery is finished, that’s it, there is no going back.  If you don’t do it, you know either with pain, vomiting, dehydration, or malnutrition.  You finally realize how fucking much your life changed.  

My aha moment was this afternoon at work.  I was struggling to eat a 5.3oz cup of Greek yogurt.  It was too much!  Then I realized that the last few days, I’ve only eaten between 500 – 700 calories a day.  That’s how much I would have consumed in one meal…how can this little bit sustain me for the rest of my life.  It’s scary.  When I got home from work, I looked at myself in the cars vanity mirror.  I was surprised.  I could actually see a difference and it was shocking at first.  I didn’t expect it at all.  I touched my chin and neck, I guess to make sure it’s real.  It’s just so different from what I’m used to seeing.