I hate the way I look so much that I haven’t looked at my body in the mirror in over a year

I live in a constant state of fear that everything is going to come crashing down around me at any moment

I know not every guy likes girls that have perfect bodies, but no one understands how much damage being pregnant 8 times and dramatic fluctuations in body weight over your lifetime does to your body.  I have a hideous, 8 inch scar on my stomach from a surgery.  I can’t imagine my body turning anyone on.

Even though I really want the things I post on tumblr, I’m not sure I want to deal with the problems that go along with relationships.  

I’ve self harmed my whole life.  I used to just punch myself in the stomach leaving huge bruises.  I didn’t start cutting until last October.  I still want to do it all the time.