So, it’s already starting, my hair is falling out.  Huge amounts fall out when I wash and brush my hair.  I’ve been taking biotin, but that only strengthens regrowth.  Omg!  What have I done to my body!?  Before long I’ll have to join the Bosley Hair Club for Men.  

This is the first week eating semi regular food and it’s been quite the adjustment.  I can’t believe how little I eat, usually about 600 calories a day.  I can eat almost a cup of cottage cheese, half an egg, and 1/3 of a can of tuna.  How I’m supposed to get 50 grams of protein from that?!  

I’ve been faithfully taken my vitamins, 1000mg of calcium, 2 multi vitamins, B-12, and iron. I still get tired though.  Surprisingly enough, I just started my period and I didn’t have nearly as many mood swings and the usual maladies that go along with it.  

I’m totally in love with footy.  My team, New Zealand Warriors, were kicking ass, well for the most part.  the worst thing in the world happened at their last game, Shaun Johnson suffered a season ending injury while scoring a try.  They will never make the play offs now. I’m so sad.  Not only is Shaun one of the sexiest men I’ve seen in a long time, he pretty much carried the team.  Ugh!  

  
He’s so fucking hot!!! I’m not going to lie, I would totally become a cougar for him.  Lol

His daughter with his new wife had her 3rd birthday, and he only invited one of his children with me.  Did not tell any of his other kids, not one!!  What an ass!  

When you think about it though, why would I be surprised, he’s $37,000 behind in child support.  Obviously, his kids aren’t his priority.

I really can’t complain about anything pertaining to my surgery.  I recovered quick with minimal pain and discomfort. It’s hard getting used to the new way of eating, but that will take time.  Now that I’ve added more solid food to my diet, I can only eat one or two bites and then I’m full.  Now I say I can’t complain, but I’m going to…

My taste buds changed and I can’t drink my delicious coffee.  😢😢😢😢😢 2 sips and it tastes wretched.  This is the third time I’ve tried to drink it.  Still no good.  Boohoo!!!

I absolutely love her.  We get along so well.  We talked about a relationship I had.  It was so nice to get things off my chest, to really express all my feelings instead of cutting to get them out.  She said he probably stays friends with me because he gets something from me that he doesn’t get at home.  But it sucks for me because he goes home to his family and lives his life while I wait for any scrap of attention he throws my way.  The pull me in then let me go gets frustrating and whenever I talk to him about this shit, he gets really defensive.  It’s just not worth it.  

  
Eggs went down like a lead brick.  I was full after 3 bites.  

Tuna wasn’t much better.  I had maybe 3-4 bites and was completely full.  

I know this is what I wanted to happen, to eat less.  But I didn’t realize how little.  I guess that’s why I have to take so many vitamins.  I think I had maybe 500 calories today.  I’m getting hardly any nutrients from food.  

I’m so damn sick of broth. I know I should stop being a fucking baby, man up, and eat it. Omg!  It’s so gross, though.  Tuesday I get to add a few more foods and it can’t come soon enough! 

  
I’m assuming that the fact that it makes my tummy rumble means it’s not agreeing with me.  I guess I can’t eat it! Oh well!   LOL 

During my liquid only phase, these, along with Wyler’s sugar free lemonade, were my absolute favorite drink mix.  They taste exactly like grape pop, which just happened to be my favorite drink as a child.  Anytime we were allowed to have pop, that is what i chose.  I was so excited when I found these.   
Now, however, I can’t stomach either of those.  Ugh!  They taste wretched and so does coffee.  If I can’t drink coffee, why is my life worth living?  

Another change I’ve noticed, is my lack of hunger.  I never feel hungry and when I smell something delicious, the smell is divine but it doesn’t make me hungry.  I have absolute no desire to eat it.  The best part is though, is my lack of sugar cravings.  That is one change I’m most excited about. 😁😁😁 

I know, I know, everyone says how the hell could you not know.  Sure, before you start the 6 month pre op process, you’re told all the  physical and psychological repercussions.  You heard them and think oh yeah, I can do it.  All you can really focus on, though, is getting through the grueling process of proving to your insurance company that you’re fat enough and dedicated enough to handle such a life changing surgery.

Once you finally get approved and make it through the surgery, the changes really become evident.  You practiced them before the surgery, chewing everything to the consistency of toothpaste, not drinking 30 minutes before or after a meal, eating protein first, and constantly drinking so you don’t get dehydrated, but if you don’t succeed its no big deal.  Once the surgery is finished, that’s it, there is no going back.  If you don’t do it, you know either with pain, vomiting, dehydration, or malnutrition.  You finally realize how fucking much your life changed.  

My aha moment was this afternoon at work.  I was struggling to eat a 5.3oz cup of Greek yogurt.  It was too much!  Then I realized that the last few days, I’ve only eaten between 500 – 700 calories a day.  That’s how much I would have consumed in one meal…how can this little bit sustain me for the rest of my life.  It’s scary.  When I got home from work, I looked at myself in the cars vanity mirror.  I was surprised.  I could actually see a difference and it was shocking at first.  I didn’t expect it at all.  I touched my chin and neck, I guess to make sure it’s real.  It’s just so different from what I’m used to seeing.  

I’ve finally come to terms with some things and I can honestly say that I am finally seeing things for what they really are and what he really is.  It feels great!!! 

Thanks, Vince!!!