Today should have been a good day. I spent the day with my daughters and caught up on a lot of stuff that got put on the back burner while I was in training.

I wish things were that simple…

I have this same scenario scrolling through my head, I can’t shut it off, and it’s pissing me off. It’s put me in a pretty foul mood and I know it’s all made up. I’m blowing things out of proportion, and reading too much into things.

A new book by Murray Straus, founder and co-director of the Family Research Lab and professor emeritus of sociology at the University of New Hampshire, brings together more than four decades of research that makes the definitive case against spanking, including how it slows cognitive development and increases antisocial and criminal behavior.
“The Primordial Violence” (Routledge, 2013) shows that the reasons parents hit those they love includes a lot more than just correcting misbehavior. It provides evidence on the effect spanking has on children, and what can be done to end it. The book features longitudinal data from more than 7,000 U.S. families as well as results from a 32-nation study and presents the latest research on the extent to which spanking is used in different cultures and the subsequent effects of its use on children and on society.
“Research shows that spanking corrects misbehavior. But it also shows that spanking does not work better than other modes of correction, such as time out, explaining, and depriving a child of privileges. Moreover, the research clearly shows that the gains from spanking come at a big cost. These include weakening the tie between children and parents and increasing the probability that the child will hit other children and their parents, and as adults, hit a dating or marital partner. Spanking also slows down mental development and lowers the probability of a child doing well in school,” Straus says.
“More than 100 studies have detailed these side effects of spanking, with more than 90 percent agreement among them. There is probably no other aspect of parenting and child behavior where the results are so consistent,” he says.
The authors, who include Emily Douglas, associate professor of social work at Bridgewater State University, and Rose Anne Medeiros, a quantitative methodologist at Rice University, argue for policy changes that can bring about a total end to spanking, including “never spank” public service announcements, a health warning to go along with birth certificates, and help for parents having problems with their child. Policy and practical implications are explored in most chapters. “The Primordial Violence” highlights include:
• The benefits of avoiding spanking, such as the development of better interpersonal skills and higher academic achievement.
• The link between spanking and behavioral problems and crime.
• The extent to which spanking is declining and why most parents continue to spank, despite the unusually high level of agreement between numerous studies that found harmful effects from spanking.
Straus has a suggestion for the holidays. “If you are looking for gift that will increase your child’s chances for a happy and healthful life, including a good job and a violence-free marriage, the evidence in this book suggests it would be promising yourself to never spank. Better yet, tell your kids about that promise. It is likely to increase their respect and love for you, and they will also help you stick to it.”
“More than 20 nations now prohibit spanking by parents. There is an emerging consensus that this is a fundamental human right for children. The United Nations is asking all nations to prohibit spanking. Never spanking will not only reduce the risk of delinquency and mental health problems, it also will bring to children the right to be free of physical attacks in the name of discipline, just as wives gained that human right a century and a quarter ago,” Straus says.
Widely considered the foremost researcher in his field, Straus has studied spanking by large and representative samples of American parents since 1969. He has received numerous honors and awards for his research, including Life Fellow of the International Society for Research in Aggression, and fellow of the American Association for the Advancement of Science.
Straus has been president of three scientific societies, including the National Council on Family Relations, and he has been an advisor to the National Institutes of Health and the National Science Foundation. He is the author or co-author of more than 200 research articles and 15 books, including “Beating the Devil Out of Them: Corporal Punishment In American Families and Its Effects On Children” (2nd edition, Transaction, 2001). Much of his research on spanking can be downloaded from http://pubpages.unh.edu/~mas2.
Story Source:
The above story is based on materials provided by University of New Hampshire. Note: Materials may be edited for content and length.

I was going to write about spanking, but I feel like I would stumble over my words and end up sounding ridiculous. However, I am entirely against behavior towards children that hurts, physically and mentally. There is NEVER a right way to spank a child.

So, instead of writing, I am going to share some of my favorite quotes, video’s and books about Peaceful Parenting.

“There is no single effort more radical in its potential for saving the world than a transformation of the way we raise our children.”
~ Marianne Williamson

“I really think it’s crazy that we hit our kids. It really is.
Here’s the crazy part about it. Kids are the only people in the world you are allowed to hit. Do you realize that?
They’re the most vulnerable and they’re the most destroyed by being hit, but it’s totally ok to hit them.
And they’re the only ones. If you hit a dog, they will put you in jail for that!”
~ Louis C K

“Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make children do better, first we have to make them feel worse? Think of the last time you felt humiliated or treated unfairly. Did you feel like cooperating of doing better?”
~ Jane Nelson

“Want to stop the bullying epidemic? Don’t act like a bully. Don’t hit, threaten, ignore, isolate, or manipulate your child. Children learn what they live.”
~ L.R. Knost

“Physical punishment is considered too severe for felons, murderers, criminals of all kinds and ages, including juvenile delinquents, too demeaning for soldiers, sailors, servants, and spouses. But it remains legal and acceptable for children who are innocent of any crime.”
~ The Influence of Corporal Punishment on Crime by Adah Maurer, Ph.D. and James Wallerstein (1987)

“Care what your children think of you more than what strangers think of you.”
~ Dayna Martin

‘Time-outs’ are hurting children.
In a brain scan, relational pain-that caused by isolation during punishment-can look the same as physical abuse. Is alone in the corner really the best place for your child?
No Drama Discipline: The Whole-Brain way to Calm the Chaos and Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind

“What bothers me so much about punishing children is that it is a conscious effort to hurt them..The question that must be asked is why we are, and have been, so willing to hurt our children in order to get them to behave-to treat them as criminals, slaves, and animals.”
~ James Kimmell

What can spanking teach your child? To submit to the threat of violence.

“One generation full of deeply loving parents would change the brain of the next generation and with that, the world,”
~ Dr Charles Raison

“When you consider the torments suffered by children throughout history, you will understand the violence and inequality besetting our world…PARENTING EVOLUTION DRIVES SOCIAL EVOLUTION, and appreciating this shows us the steps needed to make this world a better place.”
~ Robin Grille, Parenting for a Peaceful World

Amazing video by Stefan Molyneux about the effects of spanking on children