Is all this pain worth it??? It doesn’t feel like it is…

Will people ever see me for the fraud I really am? I pretend like I’m this fucking ray of sunshine, but yet, I’m secretly dying on the inside. I’d do anything to have someone just come up to me, give me the permission I need to just let it all out and then let me cry on their shoulder until the pain is purged from my soul.

I want to release my pain…cutting seems so appealing to me right now!

I don’t think I can make it through today. I have no one to talk to anymore, no one I can open up to. All I want to do is cry…

Living is so hard. Is it really worth it?

I’m a little sad that you haven’t responded to my email yet.

Yesterday…wow, what a day.

Two of my children have strep throat. Now I have symptoms, but part of me feels like it’s psychosomatic. However, my head was pounding all morning. Who knows?

I freaking LOVE my job. Everyone told me that I would love to service the Disney cards. HAHA! Not even close. My favorite card to service is the AARP card. OMG! Those little old people are so freaking cute. They are so polite and when you have to walk them through how to set up an online account, it’s the best. I just want to hug them all.

So, yesterday was a pretty emotional day, lots of things came to a head at once, lots and lots of things. I was so upset, I cried all morning. Between having to move, running between dr’s, fighting the bank for the money they stole from me, and a few other things that are inappropriate to talk about I was at the end of my rope. Today is looking up, though….

Hey, maybe I should make a “Jenn from Appleton” video about the bank and the property manager of my house!?

26 days until the Foo’s new album…tomorrow the first single is released. I’m nervous I’ll hate it. How stupid is that?! Either way, I’m going to their concert no matter what. Even if I have to go by myself, I’m going.

Now I’m going to clean my house, oh hell, who am I kidding. I’ll probably spend the next few hours scrolling through Tumblr and Facebook.

I think I just need to die…

Is now the person who always tells my daughter to tell me hi! Todd, we could have great convos about anthropological theories and evolution?!

I can’t help but think you’re mad at me.

I think I really screwed up. I think I need to go on a new med because I’m so angry lately. I don’t know why…I guess it could be because I haven’t been consistent with taking it. I need to just fucking get my life together…

Maybe I should hold out for awhile to see if I stabilize??? I hate my doc and am not sure I trust her to prescribe a new med.