Our sump pump broke!!!

Scales have ruled my life…the way my pants fit rules my life…

I hate myself…I’m ugly and not worthy of love…

I’m pretty sure I like you 100 times more than you like me…

“If I could draw you

I’d draw you in charcoal, I’d

like the smear of it,

the way it gets on me, too

I’d like the inexactness of it, 

the way it leaves you open

for interpretation, for

the imprint of my own emotion.

But I can’t draw a lick.

All I can do is lay you down

and love you well enough

to leave an impression.

All I can do is love you

and own that drawing, that memory, 

that shadowed smear of ‘us’

for good, well, ever.”

~~~Peregrine

Don’t try to apply winged eyeliner with an eyeliner pencil. Always use liquid eyeliner!!!!!!!

I started listening to your podcasts and videos last year.  I was so impressed with your videos about peaceful parenting I searched out everything I could find that you wrote or recorded.  I even joined your community forums hoping I would actually connect with people who have similar beliefs on parenting, religion, and politics.  When I joined, it was utopia!!! Even though there was mostly men in the forum, I didn’t care.  My first post didn’t go over well.  In my thread, I was introducing myself and giving some background information on how I was devoted to PP since I had just left a marriage rife with abuse.  Most of the men who responded blamed me for the abuse my kids suffered through because I chose to marry my ex.  It stung, but I’m an adult and I know I do share some responsibility for their pain and suffering.  Looking back, I did see signs before we were married that should have raised a red flag, but I guess I was blind to them. There were a few men, however, who stuck up for me and said that I deserved credit because I was trying to better myself and not let the same thing happen again.  After that things were great.  I was making friends and joining in on discussions.  Me and a few of the guys even had a Skype group where we would talk about different problems we were having in our lives and then help each other work through them.  

One day I was listening to one of your podcasts and you said something that made me feel uneasy.  You were discussing your childhood and how you lived with your single mother who was very abusive (one of your fave topics).  When you were describing the deplorable condition the apartment building you were living in, you made the comment, “Of course it was full of single mothers”.    I heard a definite tone in your voice, but I tried to blow it off as nothing.  But the more of your podcasts I listened to, the more I got the impression you didn’t like single mother’s that much.  So, in your forums, I made a post about it…several men told me that I should ask to go on the show to talk to you about my experiences with abuse and my assertion that you did not like unmarried mothers.  Two of them even CC me on the emails they sent you….

Finally, I emailed Mike and he said that it would be a while before he could get me on the show.  You guys were booked up for months.  The funny thing is, when I listened to your next show, Mike made a call out to people to get in touch with him to be on the show.  I kept trying to get in touch with him, but I never got a response back.  Weird, it’s almost as if you didn’t want to talk to me.  The funny thing is, though, before you knew I was a single mother, you invited me to Skype with you so we could talk about some parenting issues I was having and we had email conversations as well.  I was finished with you after the blow off.  The real nail in the coffin however was your video on why men should never date single mothers.  I didn’t watch it, I didn’t have to, the title said it all.  I can’t help think that you’re projecting your hatred of your own mother, onto other single mothers.  

Stefan, you are an incredibly smart man and I love your political and parenting videos.  I have learned so much from you about so many things, but I can’t support a man who thinks I’m the devil.  You would do well to not alienate an entire gender if you want to promote the cause of liberty.  That’s the last thing we need, there’s not enough women involved as it is.    

Last night I had the red and tonight I’m drinking the white…It’s fucking delicious!

My mother told my daughter that I’m an alcoholic even though I haven’t drinken anything since my birthday in 2011.  Well wait, that’s a lie.  Sometime this past year, I had a shot of Captain Morgan’s Spiced Rum in a glass of diet sprite and posted it on Facebook.  Apparently, that makes me a drunk.  Who knew?

I don’t like to drink because I’m afraid of becoming an alcoholic.  I’m the only one of my siblings that doesn’t have/had some sort of substance abuse problem. I’m the only one who hasn’t smoked…the only one who graduated high school….and the only one to go to college.  Oh and I’m the only one who doesn’t live with my parents….  I’ve been told that I’m the most put together of all my brothers and sisters.  HA!  That’s so funny.  I don’t feel put together at all.

I’m not put together.  I’ve been married 2 times to abusive men.  How fucking pathetic is that?  I’m 40 and have been divorced 2 times!  I pick men that are just like my dad, exactly like him in one way or another.  I sometimes hate my dad.  He was such an ass to everyone.  I know he had a shitty childhood, but my fucking god, treat your kids with some respect.  And your “listen here you god damned son of a bitch.  if you don’t do what I want your are going to die” method of parenting is not an ideal way to raise functioning adults.  And I was the lucky kid in my family…you had calmed down some by the time I was born.

I remember when I went to xian school and was dating Scrapper.  The principal intercepted a note I wrote to my friend saying that I was going to “do it” with him.  I know I was only in 8th grade…I was way to young.  But after the principal called you and told you what the note said, ignoring me for 3 days was probably not a good thing to do.  Doug used to ignore me just like that.  You could have talked to me, explained to me why you were upset, but instead you didn’t talk, look or acknowledge me for 3 days.  You always were so good at making me feel 2 inches tall.  

And what the fuck happened that there are times when I can’t even have sex without feeling like I’m being raped by you?  What did you do?  

But it’s turning out to be more work than I thought.

The kids are gone so I’m spending my weekend with Mulder and 2 bottles of ménage a trois wine. 😉