Last night I had the red and tonight I’m drinking the white…It’s fucking delicious!

My mother told my daughter that I’m an alcoholic even though I haven’t drinken anything since my birthday in 2011.  Well wait, that’s a lie.  Sometime this past year, I had a shot of Captain Morgan’s Spiced Rum in a glass of diet sprite and posted it on Facebook.  Apparently, that makes me a drunk.  Who knew?

I don’t like to drink because I’m afraid of becoming an alcoholic.  I’m the only one of my siblings that doesn’t have/had some sort of substance abuse problem. I’m the only one who hasn’t smoked…the only one who graduated high school….and the only one to go to college.  Oh and I’m the only one who doesn’t live with my parents….  I’ve been told that I’m the most put together of all my brothers and sisters.  HA!  That’s so funny.  I don’t feel put together at all.

I’m not put together.  I’ve been married 2 times to abusive men.  How fucking pathetic is that?  I’m 40 and have been divorced 2 times!  I pick men that are just like my dad, exactly like him in one way or another.  I sometimes hate my dad.  He was such an ass to everyone.  I know he had a shitty childhood, but my fucking god, treat your kids with some respect.  And your “listen here you god damned son of a bitch.  if you don’t do what I want your are going to die” method of parenting is not an ideal way to raise functioning adults.  And I was the lucky kid in my family…you had calmed down some by the time I was born.

I remember when I went to xian school and was dating Scrapper.  The principal intercepted a note I wrote to my friend saying that I was going to “do it” with him.  I know I was only in 8th grade…I was way to young.  But after the principal called you and told you what the note said, ignoring me for 3 days was probably not a good thing to do.  Doug used to ignore me just like that.  You could have talked to me, explained to me why you were upset, but instead you didn’t talk, look or acknowledge me for 3 days.  You always were so good at making me feel 2 inches tall.  

And what the fuck happened that there are times when I can’t even have sex without feeling like I’m being raped by you?  What did you do?