With every nerve, every fiber, every molecule of my being.

Today was my last day at Target….what a day it was. I think the gods were playing games with me because EVERY annoying customer came through my line and it seemed like every parent treated their children like shit! Oy vey! Most people shouldn’t have kids…just saying.

One good thing happened today, I saw one of my favorite college professors. It was an awesome reunion, we hugged and spent about 20 minutes catching up. She kept telling me I need to finish my degree, to just take one class at a time. Why? So I can be even more in debt and have a degree that is almost worthless.

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE anthropology and biology. I loved my archaeological dig, the cataloging of the anthropology donations, being Dr Walkers teachers aid, working on research with her, and cloning DNA with Dr Kovacs and his cute Hungarian accent. But I can’t really do what I want until I get my PhD and to do that I have to move out of state and that is out of the question for at least 5 years.

What I’ve been told by my teachers and my pastor,before I became an atheist, that I’m wasting my life. Why do you keep having kids, you’re so smart, you should be in school? You’re taking your talents for granted, you’re not using you’re brains. Fuck you! I’m not that smart, I’m just good at bull shitting my way through essays and remembering key words to answer multiple choice questions. How is that smart???

I wait till the absolute latest date possible to work on projects and research papers. I swear the teachers just give me good grades because they like me. There’s no way they were ‘A’ papers. In my biological anthropology research class I had to do a presentation on BMI and kids. I didn’t start it until a week before it’s due. I had to weigh and measure 15 kids, take their picture, have their parents sign a release, input the data into the CDC child BMI calculator, analyze the data, and the make a power point presentation on my findings. I thought for sure I failed…I got a 96%. How? I bullshitted my way through the whole fucking thing. I just don’t understand….

By this point in my ramblings, I’m not quit sure what my point is…I guess I just wish people realized that I’m really a fraud.

But they had other plans! 😡😡 I’m working tomorrow and I’m NOT happy about it.

Is to lie in bed with you and hold your hand.

Too many feelings today….

I want you to hold my hand as we grocery shop.  I want you to play with my hair while we watch our favorite TV shows.  I want you to kiss me in the middle of a sentence because you wanted to taste my words.  I want you to rub my back as we fall asleep.  I want you to play my favorite song when I look sad.  I want you to do these things without having to think about them.  Do them because you love me.